Most times, I hear from wives who have become depressed because they found out that their separated husband is in a relationship with another woman. More often than not, they still hoped that they could make things work again in their marriage, so they are confused about how to react to this.
Here’s what a wife whom I heard from said: “My husband informed me that he wanted a separation about 7 months ago. This wasn’t something I wanted, however, I accepted it simply because it was obvious that there will either be a separation or divorce. He lives four miles away from where I stay. We still maintained contact all through the process of separation. I had hopes that we would both go to counseling, but we haven’t. From the very beginning, my husband kept the way he was living his life private. Anytime I try to ask about his romantic life, he simply tells me that this isn’t a subject to be discussed. Yesterday, a friend of mine called me and said that she saw my husband out on a date with another woman. My friend said she approached him and he introduced her to the woman he was with as though it was natural. What should I do now? I still love him and want to save my marriage. But how can I make this happen when my separated husband has a girlfriend? Should I tell him that I know about the new woman in his life? Should I act as if I’m dating someone else to make him jealous? Should I try to make him break up with this new woman? What is the best thing to do when my husband and I are separated and he is dating?”
No doubt, this is a challenging situation. However, it’s important that you keep this in view and try not to overreact; I’ll discuss this in details below.
Don’t Make His Dating Another Woman More Than It Is: It’s understandable for you to assume that once he begins seeing someone else, you have lost him forever. However, the wife who was told by her friend that her husband is seeing someone else didn’t yet know how serious the relationship was. She doesn’t even know if what the friend saw was a romantic date. Let’s assume it was, the fact that the husband was on a date or two with another woman definitely doesn’t mean he will end up marrying her. Also, it’s common for husbands to try to begin dating again only to conclude that no one is as good as his wife and that dating other was just an attempt to replace her – which is impossible.
However, if you panic, overreact, all of a sudden begin to make various demands or start to behave negatively then you decrease the chances of him coming to a realization that it’s you he wants. Therefore, to a great extent, keep this in view and avoid overreacting. It doesn’t mean anything if he goes out on a couple of dates.
Should You Date With The Intention Of Make Him Jealous? Should You Attempt To Break Them Up?: The wife in this situation had a passion to make an attempt to know more about the woman the husband was dating and then work out a plan to break them up. This most time ends up in catastrophic. More often than not, the husband is going to end up resenting the interference and will almost certainly defend her just to make you feel bad. In fact, this isn’t something you want to do so that you don’t end up opposing your husband.
The decision to date in order to make him jealous is one you should make yourself. I couldn’t do this because I was still very much into my husband and wanted to save my marriage. I felt like I would be deceiving myself. I felt as if this won’t only be pretentious, but a bad idea too. That doesn’t imply that I didn’t occasionally ignore telling him where I was or who I was with in order to make him wonder. But I never tried to fake dating.
What Should I Do To Save My Marriage When He’s Seeing Another Woman Or Starting To Date Again?: First, you mustsee your marriageand his life during separation as two different things. You must take control of your emotion and ensure your panic and insecurities don’t hinder your communications with your husband.
And despite the fact that you both are separated, times will come when you will need to get in touch with him. During times like this, ensure you stay positive and cheerful. Ensure he has a pleasant time being around you. Even though it may be tempting, make it a point never to dwell on or demand answers about the new woman he’s seeing. Your interactions with him should be about the two of you only – not about him and the other person. Appear confident and make him have the impression that he will sooner or later realize who and what he wants and that person will be you.
You may find this difficult to believe now, but trust me when I say it’s certainly rare for a man to end up marrying the first woman he dated during a separation. And honestly, if you can hold on to a good interaction with him during the separation and make huge improvements in your marriage, there’s a big chance that you still remain “the one” he will be with. And if this is the case, you will naturally save your marriage and eventually won’t need to worry about the other woman.
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