If you have been married for years, it’s common for you to change the way you relate with your spouse. Since you have been together for a while, the passion and romance in your relationship will no longer be as it once was. This doesn’t imply that you have fallen out of love with your husband. It simply means that your attitude can change with time. But, fighting and arguing all of the time and being unable to get along is a different issue and it shouldn’t be like this.
At first, this might begin innocently. You possibly will observe that you argue more than you used to. You may also observe that whenever there is a disagreement, the period of time it last is longer. Whereas you normally get issues to resolve quickly and move on, at present your disagreement last for hours or even days where the two of you feel resentment when you should have long been resolved.
I usually get comments like: “I want to know how to get along with my husband. There is a struggle in our marriage. The amazing thing is we normally live together in harmony. When we newly got married, we never fought. But presently those things I loved so much about him disgust me. For example, I grew up under a father that was always angry and aggressive. So, one thing I loved about my husband then was that he was gentle and laid back. This was something I have always wished for in a man. But at present, I more or less see him as a wimpy. He doesn’t want to handle the problem and expects me to take care of everything. This is something I resent. And whenever I try to talk to him about this, he feels I’m nagging. He says all I do is to point out his mistakes. It appears we both try to find faults in the other person. And a huge argument happens from little things. We barely even talk these days. Also, I notice that kissing and hugging me is something he rarely does, which I believe is as a result of us not been able to get along. How do I get along with my husband and make a good relationship with him? I try not to be quick to speak but the words just come out of my mouth because he annoys me recently.” My husband and I can’t seem to get along: I fight and argue with my spouse all of the time.
This problem is so common. We now live in times that are stressful where the family is not lifted up to the degree that it was before. Therefore, it’s rather common for us to take out our frustration on those closest to us. And most times, that person closest to us is our spouse. Also, from what this wife said, we no longer love those things we used to love about our spouse anymore because we have become familiar with it over time.
I’m not a therapist, but I did all I could to figure out how to get along with my spouse. There was a time we separated, and when we got back together, I have to learn every necessary skill to enable us to live in harmony with one another. I realized that life was simply too short, and marriage is valuable and sweet, to continuously fight and argue all of the time over little things. So I was determined to do everything possible to enable us to get along better. Since I have personally learned what constant disagreement could do to our marriage. Here are the things I did that helped.
Don’t Take Anything Personally And See Things From Your Spouse’s Viewpoint: Usually, our spouse is just reacting to a bad day, someone else treating them badly, an unfortunate circumstance. Thus, they may come home and snap at us and we begin to think they are very disrespectful and mean. But they are actually reacting to something that isn’t connected to us. Does this imply that your spouse snapping at you was fair? No. However, things will simply get worse when you react to this. Have it in mind that the mood of your spouse may have nothing to do with you and that you shouldn’t blame yourself for it. Something I learned is to back off and give my spouse time to cool off. This has always worked for me.
Another thing you can do to get along better with your spouse is to try to see things from their point of view. Anytime, there is a fight between me and my husband about a member of his family, regardless of what this family member has done, my husband will never support me and he would rather ignore the situation. This always got me angry until I asked myself if the tables were turned around, will I do what I’m asking my husband to do if it were my own family member. Yes, his sister has done something wrong to us. But she still remains his sister. He was hurt as well and was reacting the same way you did. Sometimes, it really helps to see your spouse as someone who is hurt and worried.
Don’t Expect Your Spouse To Make You Happy: This is very important.A therapist once told me that until I learnto be content with myself and take responsibility for my happiness, then I may never have the relationship I desire. Most times, we blame our spouse for things that we shouldn’t blame them for. When we are disappointed about something or we have a bad day, it’s easy to blame it on our spouse. I was guilty of this as well. I always used to believe that my husband doesn’t care or makes no effort to understand me. This simply made us drift apart.
Now, when my day is terrible, I know that I have to handle it myself. I have discovered that taking half an hour to do yoga
See Your Spouse The Person You Want To Share The Fun With: A lot of us see our spouse as someone who is supposed to share our worries and burden. This is what is expected of your spouse, however, if you solely rely on your spouse for emotional support, then you create a culture where you both are looking forward to feeling miserable and down with one another.
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